Jokes Page

[grannyclaret]

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?

Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!

Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!

[grannyclaret]

....FOR ALL YOU WORKERS OUT THERE....
.................................................. ...................
IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk
cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the
doors for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family on the phone.
IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then
they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK - I'm going to PRISON!!!

[cherokee]

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."

[grannyclaret]

that was so funny cherokee...i never guessed that

[grannyclaret]

what do you put in a toaster????








..no not toast .................................................. .........

bread

[grannyclaret]

what do cows drink..?












no not milk
...........................................
water

[derekgas]

An employer decided to ring his best employee when he hadn't turned up for work after an hour, the phone was answered by a child who whispered 'hello'...
Boss: Is your daddy there? Child whispers 'yes'
Boss: may i speak to him? Child whispers: no, he is busy!
Boss: Is mummy there? Child whispers: yes!
Boss: Can I speak with mummy? Child whispers: no, she is busy too, talking to the policeman!
Boss concerned: may I speak with the policeman?
Child whispers: no, he is busy too, talking to the fireman!
Boss, really concerned: Can I speak with the fireman?, and why are you whispering?
Child whispers: the fireman is busy talkin to the search and rescue people, and I dont want to tell you why I am whispering!
Boss: Search and rescue people? Who are they searching for?






Child whispers: me!

[derekgas]

The refuse collectors are doing the rounds when one of the men sees a chinaman who has not left his bin out for a few weeks, he shouts to the man 'Hey, wheres your bin?'
The chinaman says 'I been to China'
No you fool says the refuse man, wheres ya wheelie bin?
Chinaman says 'I weally been to China!'

[Ashers]

wheelie bin hahah i like it :P